I have two adult daughters who are the light of my life, but I have to admit—their teen years were not the brightest. I could have done without the arguments over the boys they dated, the clothes they wore or the fact that they mastered crawling out of a bedroom window late at night without disturbing the dogs.
Any parent who makes it through their child’s teen years unscathed deserves a metal of honor. Perhaps more so if they’ve been able to successfully raise daughters.
There are certain things that no parent should EVER have to say to their little darlings once they’ve transitioned from the tea party, dress-up stage to Cyndi Lauper’s girls-just-wanna-have-fun stage. Although the parent may feel they have a handle on raising their teen girl, it’s inevitable that one or all of the following lines will be uttered from their lips at one time or another:
- Drop that hem about four more inches before you leave the house.
- You want to put a tattoo where?
- I know you consider twerking a skill, but that still doesn’t mean you should dance like that in public.
- You’ll need to buy another cell phone just to store all your bathroom selfies.
- Of course you won’t gain five pounds from eating three Milk Duds at the movie theatre.
- No, I’m not leaving work just to bring you a tampon at school.
- You could save a lot of money by actually washing your clothes instead of buying new ones to avoid doing laundry.
- There’s a great deal on Amazon right now for chastity belts.
- No, you’re not allowed to get your belly button, nose or nipples pierced.
- You’re not going to experience life on the back of a motorcycle until you’re over twenty-one.
- Yes, there really is such a thing as too much eye liner.
- I don’t care how cute he is—if his I.Q. matches his shoe size, you can’t date him.
- No, you won’t be scarred for life by scraping old food off the dishes before you load them into the dishwasher.
- If the clock strikes twelve and you’re not home, your car won’t turn into a pumpkin but your social life will turn into the black hole while you’re grounded.
- No, you’re not allowed to use your college loan money for a Brazilian butt lift.
I’m proud to say that I survived raising two teen girls—-despite a few tattoos and piercings along the way. Thank God for BOGO sales on chastity belts!
About the Author
Marcia Kester Doyle is the author of the humor book, Who Stole My Spandex? Life In The Hot Flash Lane and the voice behind the midlife blog, Menopausal Mother. Her work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Country Living, House Beautiful, The Huffington Post, Purple Clover, and Scary Mommy, among others. Marcia lives in sunny south Florida with her husband, four children and two feisty pugs. You can connect with Marcia on her blog, author website, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.