Social media never fails to disappoint, especially when it comes to parental topics. A few weeks ago, a friend posted something really great. It was a list of criteria for a new online mommy group. Not just any “mommy group” mind you, but one for “like-minded” moms. It was a scream! The guidelines included everything from “ebf”‘ (no formula) to “birthing as nature intended”. Basically, the verbiage stated that if you were not exactly like them you were not welcome, and to not let the door hit ya on the way out.
If anyone finds the criteria less than inclusive, I say, “Too bad!” The mom who drafted this document means business! Inspired by this lovely idea, I thought about drafting my own contract for mommy friends. While I was way too lazy to type it out, I did manage to put some ideas to paper while I ignored cleaning my kitchen. I am so happy I did. I didn’t realize how picky I was about other moms. And, why not? I am worth it!
Failure to comply with the guidelines set forth will automatically result in expulsion. I will then refuse eye contact with the former member immediately. If anyone has any ideas for a scarlet letter, let me know.
Anyway, here is my list. If anyone is looking for some mommy friends just make sure to follow all these guidelines. Oh, and bring at least one bottle of wine to our next meeting. Chocolate chip cookies would work too. I love chocolate chip cookies.
1. Don’t be a d*ck.
Really. Just don’t. Unless you feel as if someone’s child is in any sort of danger, don’t criticize. Newsflash: Some mom’s breastfeed. Others formula feed. Some practice attachment parenting. Still others don’t practice attachment anything, because it involves putting down their glass of wine. My point: Yes, we are all different. However, we are all in this together. The last thing a stressed out mom needs is the judgment of others. Be kind.
2. Must have a sense of humor
As mentioned above, this whole parenting thing can be very stressful. Smiles are sorely needed for many of us. We must be able to unwind and have a few laughs. Don’t worry, though. We are here to have a laugh WITH you and not AT you. Well, at least until you leave; then all bets are off. Just kidding! (I think.)
3. Must be weird/quirky/different
If you feel as if you have had a hard time fitting in elsewhere, this just might be the place for you. We like weird. (Just not serial killerish weird that shit creeps me out).
4. Must like to party without kids
It is such a nice release to be able to be around other moms sans their offspring. We like dinner and drinks. Or just drinks. Did I say we like drinks? Seriously, though, even if you are not a big drinker, you must come out with us to chill. You will be glad you did. Girl time is much deserved.
Anyone that knows me will tell you that I can talk poopy diapers and leaky boobs with the best of them. That said, it is always nice to change the subject once in awhile, and talk grown up stuff. We would like to get know you on a personal basis. Really.
6. Must be a younger mom, older mom, single mom etc….
Well, you get the point. In this group there are no age limits. No bias. All are welcome. Just don’t be a d*ck. (See #1).